“The ‘So'”

The player, the commitment-phobe, the horndog, each of the phrases used interchangeably to describe those in my generation who enjoy the company of multiple romantic partners.

Though it may not be the reality for everyone, I seem to have grown up and found myself trapped in a world where having “side-chicks” is celebrated, and “hook-up culture” has become the norm. Neither men nor women in my generation appear to expect, or have the courage to ask for, exclusivity within relationships.

I see this as a developed fear of “the ‘so'”.

The phrase was first brought to my attention in the film That Awkward Moment (2014). The male lead Jason, played by the strapping Zach Efron, is a successful young man, living in New York, and seems to have no difficulties attracting the attention of multiple female suitors.

Upon being questioned by his two closest friends, Jason divulges that after hearing “the ‘so'”, referring to the question typically asked by a young female – “so…what are we?” “So…where is this going?” – suggesting her desire for an exclusive relationship, this is the perfect time to end said relationship so to not be tied down. This, to me, is disheartening to say the least.

I am that girl who has grown up watching Disney movies, and has dreamt about riding off into the sunset on a white horse with my prince charming.

And though I do recognize that this dream may be slightly… unrealistic, I still refuse to believe that our society has given up on love to the extent that social media would suggest – every other vine or meme displaying young men watching another woman over the shoulder of their implied girlfriend, and women leaving their man for someone deemed more successful or fit.

I know finding a prince charming can seem impossible, but frankly, I am not sure I want to find Mr. perfect. Honestly I am not entirely sure he exists, but every one can find Mr/s. Perfect for them. Think… Shrek and Fiona – #relationshipgoals!

Relationships are great! You become connected with someone on an incredibly intimate level. You learn things about each other, and even more about yourself, (and if we are speaking openly, the sex is better and a lot more frequent). So why does our society suggest that they are something to be shied away from?

Love is beautiful, let your self experience it as many times as possible. Whether is be a new love, or falling in love with your long-term partner all over again.

So ladies, don’t be afraid to ask your man where your relationship is going, frankly both of you have the right to know (and if you are asking, he is probably thinking about it too). And boys, don’t freak out if you hear “the ‘so'”, it is just a question, and who knows, maybe you will be the one asking.

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